xyrhown

    we're much better before... we're not taking many risks... do you know the feeling being stuck in the middle? it's hard... difficult to escape within the two narrow walls... but, both of this walls, don't know the frustrations I'm having... somehow, i have to choose between the two walls,... walls that always leads to agony... don't you want to bring the past,... nothing worry us,... we're having fun with our companionship... but deep within, there's more to it... the feeling of letting go... we don't want to let go of each other... but sooner,... that feeling of happiness with each others arms... is becoming painful... the grips... of your hand... more demands... doubts... without even knowing what causes it... pain... that i can't share with you... pain that i felt alone... sure you do feel that pain... but your's is different... it's the pain of depression... of not getting what you want... you measure my love for you,,.. you always do... you measure it by how many sacrifices i can do for you.... sure, i can sacrifice for you, cause i love you... but i only accept sacrifices if it can do good for US,... not just you... it's not all about you, you know... the world doesn't revolves around you... you're being selfish... and if i do that sacrifice... what would i get??? my world will fall... and i don't want it to happen... and you... they'll pull you away... it's hard for me... I'll just think... and do the best i can to please those two walls that kept on caging me...

alone...

from the very start of my life, i know I'm lonely, i know I'll always be lonely... even though few of my friends are there, but they're just temporary, and sooner they'll be gone, vanished, run out of communications... you really can't control it, its life... everything is changing... nothing really is permanent, how should i know?? i always knew it from the very beginning... i always look at myself, i had changed a lot... but... feels the same, alone... feeling unnoticeable, an outcasts, a trying-hard girl to fit in with her temporary world... but that temporary world is about to change... sooner, she'll find herself in her true world, her permanent world... but still, every day's a change... no one knows me, no one can hear my silent lips, no one knows my deep thoughts, for being a silent girl, full of secrets... no one can understand me except for my own self, i have 2 understand myself.. i can only rely with myself... no one except for me... this is my life... no one can control me... no one can overtake my feelings... i want to be free from everyone... from anything in this world... but as a consequence... for being free... you have to be free, alone... it's destiny... but there's no such things as destiny, but there's choices... some are easy choices... some aren't... but my choice is to be alone... in this world... full of consequences...

...

No matter how crazy and funny the scenes around us, they're useless without the person we want to laugh with...

Do we really have to let go for something we dont want to...

    When i was little, i fell from a tree. But before i did, i managed to hold on to a branch. I was up there for a long time, waiting. The silence, the pain in my arms, the heat, my heartbeat pumping  then i finally fell. I could not recall exactly  what happened after the agony of holding on and the wonderful feeling of letting go...

TEARS... what is it for?

    It is human to cry. It affirms that we are alive. This is why tears have so many faces. There are tears of defeat and victory, tears of rejection and of reunion. A child cries when he wants to get something and he hopes to mask that helplessness with immature tears. The notion that a real man never cries is quite irreconcilable with our true nature. Tears are a not sign of weakness but an affirmation of our humanity. They are not expressions of a hardened heart but the manifestation of a gentle spirit.
    I believe that tears are gifts from God. They are not meant to obstruct our vision of the fact of life but to cleanse our spirit to admit the reality of death. It is not a display of our cowardice to take on the unbearable but a revelation of our courage to accept the inevitable. Sometimes, "God puts tears in your eyes that we will see rainbows in our hearts."

=]

sometimes... you can be really cold...very cold. That they misinterpret you. I must not let them see the wounds which they have caused. I do my very best to please everybody, far more than they'd ever guess. I try to laugh it all off, because I don't want to let them see my trouble. it is impossible for me to be all sugar one day and spit venom the next. I'd rather choose the golden mean (which is not so golden). Keep my thoughts to myself, and try for once to be just as disdainful to them as they are to me. oh, if only i could!